Wife, Mom, Boss – In That Order (Sometimes)

This year’s self-care journey deepened through two heartbreaking losses. In February, my dad passed away after years of battling health issues that began with a stroke in 2013. His passing shifted my focus on supporting and housing my mom, while she navigated her "new" normal without him, while also managing her own health challenges.   Then, just six months later, we lost my mother-in-law. Those back-to-back losses hit me hard, leaving me emotionally drained and feeling like I had hit rock bottom.  In the midst of my grief, I did what I’ve always done: I suppressed my own emotions and needs to care for those around me.  I poured my energy into holding space for everyone else’s needs, leaving no room for my own. But through hard conversations with my counselor, I opened my eyes to some hard truths: if I wanted to heal, I needed to start showing up for myself, not just for others. Through this process, I began to understand why I had ignored my own needs for so l...

The invisible load of motherhood is real (google it...it's a thing!).  It's more than just managing the  endless list of tasks that keep a household running; it’s the emotional and mental energy of remembering, planning, organizing, and making decisions for everyone in the family. This load falls disproportionately on the default parent (typically the mom), leaving us feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and stretched thin - wondering which way is up! Over the past fifteen years, life has been a whirlwind. Kids' activities, work demands, and major life changes — new jobs, selling our first home, navigating a global pandemic, virtual school, living with in-laws, moving into a new home, and even surviving a derecho. There was no space or energy to create routines or structure. I was constantly reacting, saying "yes" to everything while ignoring my own needs. The busier life got, the more I felt stuck in survival mode—just putting one foot in front of the other to get thr...

After deciding to start counseling in December 2023, my therapist encouraged me to take things a step further. In July 2024, at 44 years old, I was officially diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). What I've learned in the past few months is that ADHD affects executive functioning — making planning, organizing, time management, and staying focused much harder. It often looks different in girls and women, who tend to experience Inattentive ADHD more than Hyperactive-Impulsive ADHD. While boys may exhibit physical hyperactivity, women are more likely to struggle internally — with focus, memory, organization, and regulating their thoughts and emotions. Suddenly, my whole life made sense. Since childhood, I’ve always known that something felt different about how I functioned. I loved school, but I constantly procrastinated and left assignments until the last minute — somehow thriving under the pressure. I was quick on my feet and good at finding solutions witho...

This past year has flown by. I've shared moments of joy, heartache, but not much in between. What I haven't really talked about is how much I’ve been learning about myself — and that centers around how and why I’ve struggled with prioritizing self-care and boundaries.  Being self-employed for the past 14 years, I have balanced pregnancy, motherhood to 3 kids in 19 months and finding a new normal in each phase of life.  I haven't really stopped to think how I could do things differently because there didn't seem to be a break to do so.  I kept working, kept supporting, and kept showing up for everyone else. The last two years have been emotionally overwhelming. My youngest sister moved in with us in August 2022, my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer and other ongoing health issues, while both Scott’s mom and my mom started facing health challenges. After my dad passed away in February 2024, we moved my mom into our home to support her emotionally while helping her manag...