The Invisible Load of Motherhood is Real...and I'm Burnt Out!

The invisible load of motherhood is real (google it...it's a thing!). It's more than just managing the endless list of tasks that keep a household running; it’s the emotional and mental energy of remembering, planning, organizing, and making decisions for everyone in the family. This load falls disproportionately on the default parent (typically the mom), leaving us feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and stretched thin - wondering which way is up!

Over the past fifteen years, life has been a whirlwind. Kids' activities, work demands, and major life changes—new jobs, selling our first home, navigating a global pandemic, virtual school, living with in-laws, moving into a new home, and even surviving a derecho. There was no space or energy to create routines or structure. I was constantly reacting, saying "yes" to everything while ignoring my own needs. The busier life got, the more I felt stuck in survival mode—just putting one foot in front of the other to get through each day.

Looking back, I think my burnout started in 2017. That’s when the mental overload of motherhood (with undiagnosed ADHD) really kicked in. My kids were getting older, and with school and activities came the need for new routines. At the same time, my business workload had doubled. On the outside, everything looked like it was thriving, but inside, I felt empty—just surviving day to day. I was pushing aside my feelings of being lonely, exhausted, anxious, depressed, telling myself I didn’t have time for them.

The reality was, no one was stopping me from taking car of myself.  No one was telling me "no" or stopping me from prioritizing exercise or sleep. I was just overwhelmed, stuck in survival mode, and keeping myself busy on tackling the day-to-day tasks and schedules while leaving no room for myself. Over time, I lost touch with things that brought me joy and gained 40 pounds. I was giving to everyone around me — my family, my parents, work, and activities — I knew I needed a change, but I wasn’t sure where to start and, frankly, I was mentally tired.

Change hasn't been easy or overnight, but I am taking small steps. I think my biggest change is I have been learning to ask for help and vocalize my needs without guilt. I returned to working out at Farrell's in October—and while the pounds have not dropped off as quickly as I would like, I am enjoying getting there in the mornings and having my clothes feel a bit looser. I've gotten better at saying "no" to things that don't serve or need me and letting go of guilt I've been carrying for so long.

The invisible load of motherhood is real, and it's not going away anytime soon, but so is the strength we have to step out of survival mode and put ourselves at the top of our to-do list. It can be simple things like saying “no” when we need to, asking for help, and making a little time for ourselves.

I know I'm not alone and my village has been helping me stay on track. Motherhood is hard, but it doesn’t have to come at the expense of your well-being. Be kind to yourself, and remember: taking care of yourself is the best gift you can give to everyone who depends on you.