Letting Go of Guilt and Rediscovering Myself (With a Side of ADHD)

After deciding to start counseling in December 2023, my therapist encouraged me to take things a step further. In July 2024, at 44 years old, I was officially diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

What I've learned in the past few months is that ADHD affects executive functioning — making planning, organizing, time management, and staying focused much harder. It often looks different in girls and women, who tend to experience Inattentive ADHD more than Hyperactive-Impulsive ADHD. While boys may exhibit physical hyperactivity, women are more likely to struggle internally — with focus, memory, organization, and regulating their thoughts and emotions.

Suddenly, my whole life made sense.

Since childhood, I’ve always known that something felt different about how I functioned. I loved school, but I constantly procrastinated and left assignments until the last minute — somehow thriving under the pressure. I was quick on my feet and good at finding solutions without needing every detail.

But for everything I excelled in, I struggled just as much in other areas. Tasks like organizing homework, following directions, or staying focused were a constant challenge. I remember reading the same page over and over, only to retain nothing. I would call my mom over to help, feeling like I was missing a piece everyone else seemed to have.

I’ve always been a hard worker, but everything takes me twice as long to finish (Have you read the book, "If you give a mouse a cookie"?). I would set goals and try to build routines, but self-led efforts often fall apart. Every missed deadline, every late arrival, every failed new habit carried a weight of shame. I heard things like, “You know how to do it, why do you need help?” and “If it was important, you’d remember.” Those comments made me feel like I had to work harder just to prove I cared or to make people like me.

Getting an ADHD diagnosis has been both a relief and a mixed bag of emotions. I can’t help but wonder how life might have been different if I’d known earlier. Would I have struggled less? Would things have felt easier? There’s also the weight of guilt — years of blaming myself for procrastinating, being late, or not following through. I grew up believing those struggles were personal failures — signs I was lazy, undisciplined, or just not good enough.

Now, I finally have an explanation for the challenges I’ve faced — especially the decision fatigue that used to leave me stuck, unable to make plans for myself. Something as small as organizing a day with friends or planning a trip would feel overwhelming, and more often than not, I just gave up.

“Help me build systems for efficiency, and don’t criticize my current systems. My brain is fast, which means it scoots on to the next task swiftly!” — @jodie.viall

This diagnosis has been a game-changer. I now understand that I need structure and tools to manage my energy, not just my time. Starting medication has brought clarity and focus, which has helped me on the path to reintroduce joy and self-care into my life.

A big part of this journey has also been learning to set boundaries - not just with others, but with myself. It’s about saying “no” when I need to, without guilt or the need to explain. Boundaries keep the lines clear between what I need for myself and what others expect from me. And most importantly, they help me protect my energy for what truly matters.

If any of this resonates with you, I hope my story encourages you to take that first step. Maybe it’s setting a boundary, saying no, or simply finding a moment to breathe. Whatever it looks like, remember that we deserve to care for ourselves — not just for others, but for us, too.