The life of a stay at home mom and 3 toddlers...

Tonight is a good night to post my feelings on staying at home/working at home with 3 toddlers.  It is pure chaos...and a love/hate relationship:)  this weather has just been hard on all of us...they need to run off energy and i need some sunshine and space to myself.  Staying at home has been the hardest thing i have ever done...it's constant mess, screaming, laughing, touching, diaper changing, chore doing, lecturing, hugging...and there are days when i am not at my best at it...those are the days when i wish there was someone i could bring in for 1 hour just to get my bearings.  the constant guilt that i'm not giving everyone what they need, including myself.  I honestly would not change it for anything and i have to remind myself of that.

Adam will be 4 in July and is becoming a much better helper around the house.  The twins will be 2 1/2 in August.  Alli likes to do whatever Adam does (except pick up:)) so she is working on potty training and being a "big" girl.  Ryan is a on the go constantly...he is my one and only that can actually entertain himself and leave the others alone and not worry about what others are getting and he's not...however he also has the complete melt-down / major tantrums where no threat or bribe or discipline can stop.

This has been the hardest stage for me personally since the beginning.  the no sleep in the infant years and nursing/pumping for the year was hard as well...but this is a "new" hard.  This is the one where kids sleep less during the day (adam not at all) and don't want to go to bed early.  i'm so drained by the end all i want to do is lock them in their room at 8 pm (or around there depending on wind down time/one-last-potty time/ I-need-one-more baby or 1-more-song).  then i crack open a beer or pour a glass of wine and turn on the tv.  I wish i could have the energy or the weather could just be decent so i could just go for a quick run outside.

Preparing for my dad to come stay with us is overwhelming but i would not give that up either...preparing for my mom and dad's benefit is part of the unknown (thank goodness for my great friends/family)....when will it get easier with Ryan's tantrums or when can i easily think about taking my 3 kids by myself to the splash pad.  My angst gets the best of me as every day runs into each other and here we are 1/2 way thru the year with no clear end or answer in sight for anything in my life...however the one thing that is constant is the kids/my family...they are my routine and they need me and have zero tolerance for any relaxing or feeling sorry for myself...which is why i love my kids...and i realize with 3 toddlers only 19 months apart that although crazy now...will soon be 3 preteens only 19 months apart and then 3 college bound teenagers and they will go together with no one trailing far behind...as fast as they came upon Scott and I, we know it will just as quickly fade away.  so i'll take the bad with the good.  I just need to remember that i can't be super mom, super wife...and it's okay to be super tired for this phase.  I need take these moments and share my thoughts so those other parents feeling the same way either because they have 2 close in age, multiples or a "spirited" child...that they aren't alone in their feelings of frustration or of feeling like they don't have it together.

This is also why i'm terrible at planning get togethers (love my once a month bunco and my 3 times a year pedicures)...why i'm terrible at phone calls and remembering emailing back...so if i haven't responded or you miss me...just hit me up again...every day is new and my need to get away changes:)

Scott and I are celebrating our 6th wedding anniversary on Sunday...we are going to celebrate by running a 5k on Saturday morning and having a day outing together then on Sunday we are going to a Kernals game for Scott's work...Looking forward to some adult time...and some Scott/Amy time.

Happy Wednesday...here is a pic down memory lane:)